Back to Preschool

          Being in the honors college, you see a swarm of pre-med, bio, and business majors. I, personally, am none of those. Sure, I could question my place in the Honors College and I could definitely question my career choice, but I honestly can say that a preschooler caused me to have an epiphany about my entire life.
       In order to really dive into this epiphany, some back story might be a tad helpful. Growing up, I was always the quiet girl, and I'd like to think I'm still decently quiet. As I got older, I saw people become more outgoing; they would joke around and not care at all if they looked dumb. During a Chinese Firedrill, where everyone gets out of the car at a red light and changes places, I would stay in the back corner and not move an inch. To be perfectly honest, people usually didn't notice, and I loved that. Flash forward to middle school. You have your awkward school dances, but you have the kids that try their hardest to make it fun. I can't really say I was one of those kids. Basically, my whole life, I've been terrified of looking dumb. My mind was stuck in the eighteenth century when women had to be respectable and austure. It seemed like everyone was moving forward, but I was stuck in the past.
     Since my DeLorean is in the shop, I had to slowly get my mind to the twenty-first century. In my Early Childhood Development class, my teacher embodied everything I wanted to be. She was organized, respectable, intimidating at first but incredibly nice, and on top of it all, was not afraid of looking silly. She taught us a fun trick too; when something happens that you find amazing or interesting you do the "wow" sign. To make this sign, you hold up three fingers on each hand, put one hand on each side of your mouth, and finally, make an "o" with your mouth. Depending on the situation, you can also say "wow," but using the sign alone is acceptable too. For whatever reason, I felt too silly making the "wow" sign, so I woul never do it.
     A few weeks pass, and now the class gets to go to preschools and observe kids. By this, I mean we get to crawl on the floor with toddlers and write journals about it later. What five year old wants to play with someone straight from a Jane Austen book? Exactly. There were two things that really contributed to this epiphany: a little girl that reminded me of myslef and affirmation in my career choice. This little girl, we'll call her Delaney, was quiet and the tiniest in the class. She would often be playing by herself while others played in pairs. I immediately connected with this girl, so of course I was all for playing with her. The other day, she wanted to play with the toy bugs, but the teacher wanted me to work on counting with her. Thinking on my feet and with a little inspiration from Delaney, I came up with a game. Her dragonfly was a real scrooge and was taking all of the gold coins the leprechaun had left behind for us from St. Patrick's Day. Delaney set up an audience of bugs to witness the coin caper. Suggesting that we feed the audience, we found mini-magnets to use as the perfect snack for a plastic bug. At one point, I picked up an audience member and made it nibble on Delaney's arm. She'd shriek with laughter, so going off of her energy, I'd continue, giving the bug a strange voice and a whole life story.
        There I was, that girl afraid of looking silly, sitting on the floor with a plastic bug in one hand and tiny rainbow magnets in the other. Seeing how happy I could make that little girl made me realize being a teacher is what I'm meant to do. I won't save lives, but I'll be able to see firsthand, the impact I have on children. The second part of my epiphany came from a comment between my professor and the Preschool teacher. "How's she doing?" I heard my teacher ask. "The kids just love her. She's really great with them," the preschool teacher responded. Now, there were butterflies in my hand and in my stomach. In addition to that, my TA made a comment on my journal that the teacher and students seem to really love me, saying I seem to be right where I belong.
        Through my experiences at the preschool, I learned I'm right where I belong and that looking silly isn't bad. If I can make a five year old laugh, why does it matter what anyone else thinks? Going back to preschool really let me grow as a person. I can't wait until I actually get to teach and be silly with my own students.